dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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