when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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