I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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