I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
