3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Randomize
