i just sent this text using only my big toe
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
