So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
