I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
