She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
