new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
