i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
