Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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