maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
