There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
