so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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