don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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