did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
