so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
