Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
