ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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