We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
