Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
