When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
