you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Everclear isn't food dammit
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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