Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
