For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
how drunk are you?
Several
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
