I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
