I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
