i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
