dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
