She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
