You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
