My liver just broke up with me...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
