So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
