I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
