dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
True college students do jello shots in the library
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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