You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need a beard to bite.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
