we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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