you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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