used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
