I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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