Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
