Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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