somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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