Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
