Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
