um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
