Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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