The brown eye won't let me do that either.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
