What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
